When one thinks about domestic violence, the first thing that comes to mind is the direct victim, usually the abused partner. However, it is important to indicate that children who have lived in a household where an incident of domestic violence has happened are not passive witnesses but are indeed direct victims experiencing trauma alongside the abused caregiver. Bodies and minds react in ways often hidden yet profoundly harmful.

One myth is that children exposed to domestic violence are only “witnesses.” Actually, they are victims. While children might not be physically injured, their nervous systems react to the violence in the same ways as if they were being abused themselves. The persistent feelings of fear and uncertainty put children in a continual “fight, flight or freeze” mode, sending stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline coursing through their bodies. Just like in adults, long-term trauma due to prolonged exposure to increased stress can cause damage in developing brains and bodies. The effects of domestic violence on children are not only emotional but also distinctly physical. The chronic stress of living under fear of violence makes the body maintain that heightened state of alertness, as if one is always preparing for danger. This toxic stress can interfere with the development of significant brain circuits, especially those that govern the control of feelings, learning, and regulation of one’s self. As such, children who experience such an upbringing may easily get very imbalanced emotionally; they may forget more easily and have problems with impulse control, which in turn can make it difficult to reach their full academic potential or function socially.

The biological stress response in children does not only create physical consequences but also manifests in their behavior and their psychological health. Anxiety, depression, and many behaviors that are like symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder commonly emerge in children who witness domestic violence. They are much more likely to become aggressive, defiant, or withdrawn, and these behaviors are so often misunderstood as discipline problems rather than the trauma responses they truly are.

The older children might retreat into their own self-destructive behaviors-smoking, substance abuse, truancy, and even violence themselves-as ways of exerting some level of control in their lives or dulling the overwhelming emotions they can’t work through. Professionals involved with such children must consider these behaviors from a trauma-informed perspective, taking into consideration the domestic violence as a probable cause. The biological effects of domestic violence do not stop when the abuse does. Long-term health consequences include chronic illness, compromised immune systems, and vulnerability to mental health disorders into later life. Evidence demonstrates that children who witness domestic violence are at higher risks of heart disease, diabetes, and depression later in adulthood. Years spent in a toxic environment shaped not only their emotional well-being but also engendered health issues.

In families where violence is happening, children learn to view relationships through a very distorted perception. This may make them feel that abuse is something that must and does occur in a family; thus, prospective relationships based on power imbalance and aggression may come their way. It is a dangerous vicious cycle, as they grow up to be a perpetrator of violence or victims themselves, carrying this trauma for generations.

Of course, it is not at all strange when they feel torn between their loyalty to each parent, even if one of them is indeed the perpetrator of violence. In that respect, such ambiguity generates confusion, guilt, and emotional turmoil because, on the one side, a child might want protection for an abused parent, yet on the other side, it may still be seeking approval or love from the abuser. This alone would make identification of what a healthy relationship really is even more difficult, and it takes time to learn trust and set boundaries later in life.

As Bessel van der Kolk points out in his work, The Body Keeps the Score, trauma gets stored not only in the mind but also in the body. Children’s bodies are no different. Children who have been exposed to domestic violence have a challenging time releasing all of that unresolved fear and stress into anything but physical symptoms, which may include headaches, stomach issues, or sleep disturbances. They may not have the words to say that they are scared or anxious, but their bodies will show the stress in physical ways. That is why it is of utmost importance that professionals working with such children take a comprehensive approach by ensuring that emotional and psychological needs are being met and so is their physical well-being.

It is this knowledge-that children are indeed victims and not just bystanders-that sets the tone for all support and intervention. It is for this reason that support for children who have lived in violent homes should be based on the following standard principles of trauma-informed care: an understanding of the profound biological and emotional impact that domestic violence has on the development of a child and a safe place to heal.

Trauma-informed therapy, intervention, and education on safety and empowerment may well be the linchpins that allow these children to process this experience within a supportive, nurturing environment. Access to services and their disclosures being taken seriously are key in providing children with tools to feel more secure in their environments.

In most cases, breaking the cycle of violence requires educating parents, caregivers, and communities. Helping adults recognize what domestic violence is doing to their children can often motivate them to seek help and work toward a home that is safer and healthier for their families. It also means offering resources to families in distress or crisis, such as counseling, support groups, and legal assistance. While this is incredibly important, professionals should recognize how dangerous it is for individuals to leave abusive relationships. There is no more lethal time for a victim than when they find the courage to leave their abuser.

As professionals working with children, be it in social work, education, healthcare, or law enforcement, it is our responsibility to understand how domestic violence will affect a child’s body, mind, and future. We cannot afford to make assumptions that children are “just watching”; children are deeply involved in the violence and should be treated as such. We can help these children heal by advocating for trauma-informed policies that provide access to mental health and bring awareness of the biological impact of domestic violence-so they do not go into adulthood carrying the weight of this trauma. Our support will make all the difference in whether their futures are characterized by resilience or lived under the shadow of domestic violence.

Children who witness domestic violence are not passive onlookers. In fact, they feel it in their very bones; their body responses to trauma can ingrain lifelong effects into their behaviors, health, and relationships well into adulthood. As professionals, this means we acknowledge our role in actively supporting these children to break the circle of violence and help them build healthier, safer futures.